I Hope.

Hope.

Such a diluted word nowadays.

I hope to get an iPhone.

I hope to buy a house.

I hope to get the tickets to the football game.

Hope.

Everybody hopes.

But, there is a bigger meaning to hope.

So big, to those who possessed it cannot explain.

And to those who do not have it, dies.

Hope is the light at the end of the tunnel.

Hope is the thing that keeps you alive.

Hope is knowing that better days are to come.

Hope is being sure that you are never deserted.

Hope can never be revealed its importance till the day comes when it is really needed.

Like the hope for a cure to a dying patient,

Or the hope for love to an abandoned child.

The hope for a better future to someone living on the streets,

Or the hope for life to someone who wants to die.

There is hope for every one of us.

Seek it as it is already there.

Find it and own it.

When you have hope, you can give hope.

As you get the courage in the hope you found, you can be the hope to someone else.

It is when you have hope, you know how much you needed it.

This post was inspired by this video and I was reminded of the 2nd video after writing this.

Both are my favourite. It shows a glimpse of hope at work.

O Lord, you alone are my hope. Psalm 71:5

Having hope will give you courage. Job 11:18

An asshole wannabe

Picture taken from jchangart

One night, as I was reading my bible, the Holy Spirit guided me to 1 Corinthians, Chapter 12.

It talks about the unity and diversity in one body. Some are the eyes; some are the ears, the legs or the arms. Though all play different roles, they are all ONE. It tells us to embrace each other’s differences and to work together. Read the passage here.

I was like, not again? I read this passage so many times. I KNOW what the passage is about! But, the Holy Spirit kept pushing. Reluctantly, I turned to that passage and started reading. While reading about all the body parts, suddenly the word ‘asshole’ popped into my head. I prayed to God to clear my mind of all this nonsense but, it kept coming back!

Soon, it became clear that it was God who put the word in my head. I was shocked! I mean God could have used other nicer words like anus, butt or rear end. The moment I knew it was from God, I asked what is it about. God poured out a revelation on something so deep in my heart that I did not even realise it was there. It felt like a splash of cold water to my face.

I was then a leader in my campus fellowship, a leader for my bible study group and was leading the creative team. I was popular in church and in university. I have always thought myself as a humble person. I never bragged or try to get credit. Everyone said I was kind, helpful and friendly. Even, when I used to read this passage, I have never imagined myself as the head or the arms. I thought maybe I’m the toe. So, I must be humble!

I clearly remembered God asked me this,

“Can you be someone who does the small things people considers insignificant? Throw the rubbish, straighten the chairs, and wipe the dust. Things that some find dirty and unimportant. Does it in secret and let no one see you. Be hidden and out of the limelight. When you do this, no one will come and pat you on your back for a job well done or praise you. ”

“Can you be an asshole for Me?”

An asshole? (Is that even a body part?!) Isn’t it humble enough to want to be ONLY the toe?!

I couldn’t lie to my Father and shamefully answered “No, I can’t.”

It struck me, HARD. Though it was never my intention to get praises for the things I did but I realised that I would actually feel bad and unappreciated if I have done all those things and NO ONE cares. I actually cared about the praises and the attention I was getting.

Pride was taking root in my heart and I never took notice. God wanted me to fix it before it’s too late.

Though God has BIG plans for us, He wants us to have the humility that a servant would have. Just as how Jesus, the Son of God knelt down and washed His disciples’ feet. He wants us to learn to do things, NOT for men, NOT for ourselves but for God. Learn to unconditionally love someone as how God has love us and not do things just because it was the right or the appropriate thing to do. To do it even though we get NOTHING out of it and may even suffer because of it.

We should not boast and be prideful in what we do. None should be considered higher or more important than the other.

I realised too that so often, we overlooked the ‘assholes’ in church or at any other place. They may not be the ones in the limelight BUT they are part of the team and play an important role too. Just imagine a body without an asshole. The body’s going to get really sick and will not function properly. Though it is hidden and we barely notice it’s there, it is as important to us as any part of the body.

In my case, pride was creeping in slowly. To a person who already thinks she is humble enough would never have thought she would have any arrogance in her nor would have work on trying to be humble. From my actions, I thought I was being humble but God looks deeper. Apparently my standard of humble is WAY off from God's standard of humble.

So, am I an ‘asshole’ now? Truthfully speaking, I’m still striving. Being humble is not a destination. It is something we have to often remind ourselves of and continue to work on. I’m glad God said ‘asshole’. It’s stuck now in my head for good :)

My Greatest Love Story

I wrote this back in 2005 in my Friendster's blog http://veryme.blog.friendster.com/. Just thought I'll share it here. Edited it a lil' bit.

I was introduced to him ten years ago by my elder sister. I got a shock of my life when my sister told me he loves me, even though I do not know him at that time. I thought he was crazy and so was my sister! My bro-in-law too cause he was so supportive of him!

I never accepted him till like eight years ago. I hated him at first but he was persistent. Not pushy but persistent. Before you accept someone into your life, of course you will go around asking about how he really is. So I went around asking those who knows him. Everyone only has GOOD things to say about him and I was like…yeah right!

Then of course, there are a few who have nothing good to say about him. They were telling me that there are others out there and reminded me not to be influenced by what others were saying (forgetting they are THE others themselves). I was confused and decided to forget about him. The moment I thought of that, there he was again, calling. Irritated at first, I decided to give him a chance and get to know him myself. First hand information is ALWAYS the BEST.

He wrote me pages and pages of love letters. At first I was not interested in reading it but I thought what the heck. No harm reading it right? Slowly, I got to know him better through those love letters he wrote.

One night, I gave him my heart. It was scary since it was my first time. I remember telling myself, what is the worse thing that could happen? If it doesn’t work out, I’ll just break it off. But surprise, surprise I am still with him today and we are getting closer day by day.

I remember him telling me how much he loves me. At first, I didn’t really believe him. But of course, time proves everything. His love never fails me. Things he says are never really romantic but it touches my heart every time. He promise never to leave me. He said “…a mother can forget her child in her womb but I will never forget you…” Hardly romantic I know but that was the best promise I ever got! The best part is, he is still keeping his promise. He was there whenever I needed him. Every time I am sad, he will ask me to put my head on his shoulder and cry and complain to him all I want! And he REALLY LISTENS! I love him for that!

He knows exactly how to make me happy. The way he does it, surprises me every time. I'd always ask him to do something so that I won’t feel so bad. I asked but I wasn’t really expecting anything but to my surprise he did! Usually, he does it in disguise but I know it's him.

He stood out among every body else. He was different. Sometimes he does and says things I myself do not understand. Whenever I ask him, he will tell me to wait till the time comes and then I will know. He teaches me not to lean on my own understanding but his. I love him and I know he loves me a million times more. He only wants the BEST for me. So, I just trust him. It may sound crazy but believe me, it is worth trusting him cause he knows me better than my mom!

Our relationship is not always a bed of roses. We have our ups and downs. But the thing I love so much about him is that he seldom gets angry and is ever forgiving. I mean seriously, no other guy on earth could stand me like he does! The main reason behind our little fights is always ME. I love being free and doing things my way. I really hate being controlled by anyone. He can be a little over protective. You can’t do this and you can’t do that. Drives me crazy at times. Sometimes I get so angry with him or so ashamed of myself, I ended up not talking to him. Funny thing is he always tries to get me talking to him again. Nothing I do can make him love me more and nothing I do can make him love me less.

People asked many questions about him. Even my parents, friends and relatives. They always wonder why I am so into him. Sometimes I couldn’t really answer them. They need to know him themselves to understand our love. But, most are not bothered.

Someone who loves me enough to die for me, is always there for me and forever wants the best for me. I couldn’t ask for more. Nothing and no one else can compare. By the way, his name is Jesus Christ. He wrote those love letters for you too and it's all in the bible. I pray you will meet him too someday and get your very own greatest love story.