An asshole wannabe

Picture taken from jchangart

One night, as I was reading my bible, the Holy Spirit guided me to 1 Corinthians, Chapter 12.

It talks about the unity and diversity in one body. Some are the eyes; some are the ears, the legs or the arms. Though all play different roles, they are all ONE. It tells us to embrace each other’s differences and to work together. Read the passage here.

I was like, not again? I read this passage so many times. I KNOW what the passage is about! But, the Holy Spirit kept pushing. Reluctantly, I turned to that passage and started reading. While reading about all the body parts, suddenly the word ‘asshole’ popped into my head. I prayed to God to clear my mind of all this nonsense but, it kept coming back!

Soon, it became clear that it was God who put the word in my head. I was shocked! I mean God could have used other nicer words like anus, butt or rear end. The moment I knew it was from God, I asked what is it about. God poured out a revelation on something so deep in my heart that I did not even realise it was there. It felt like a splash of cold water to my face.

I was then a leader in my campus fellowship, a leader for my bible study group and was leading the creative team. I was popular in church and in university. I have always thought myself as a humble person. I never bragged or try to get credit. Everyone said I was kind, helpful and friendly. Even, when I used to read this passage, I have never imagined myself as the head or the arms. I thought maybe I’m the toe. So, I must be humble!

I clearly remembered God asked me this,

“Can you be someone who does the small things people considers insignificant? Throw the rubbish, straighten the chairs, and wipe the dust. Things that some find dirty and unimportant. Does it in secret and let no one see you. Be hidden and out of the limelight. When you do this, no one will come and pat you on your back for a job well done or praise you. ”

“Can you be an asshole for Me?”

An asshole? (Is that even a body part?!) Isn’t it humble enough to want to be ONLY the toe?!

I couldn’t lie to my Father and shamefully answered “No, I can’t.”

It struck me, HARD. Though it was never my intention to get praises for the things I did but I realised that I would actually feel bad and unappreciated if I have done all those things and NO ONE cares. I actually cared about the praises and the attention I was getting.

Pride was taking root in my heart and I never took notice. God wanted me to fix it before it’s too late.

Though God has BIG plans for us, He wants us to have the humility that a servant would have. Just as how Jesus, the Son of God knelt down and washed His disciples’ feet. He wants us to learn to do things, NOT for men, NOT for ourselves but for God. Learn to unconditionally love someone as how God has love us and not do things just because it was the right or the appropriate thing to do. To do it even though we get NOTHING out of it and may even suffer because of it.

We should not boast and be prideful in what we do. None should be considered higher or more important than the other.

I realised too that so often, we overlooked the ‘assholes’ in church or at any other place. They may not be the ones in the limelight BUT they are part of the team and play an important role too. Just imagine a body without an asshole. The body’s going to get really sick and will not function properly. Though it is hidden and we barely notice it’s there, it is as important to us as any part of the body.

In my case, pride was creeping in slowly. To a person who already thinks she is humble enough would never have thought she would have any arrogance in her nor would have work on trying to be humble. From my actions, I thought I was being humble but God looks deeper. Apparently my standard of humble is WAY off from God's standard of humble.

So, am I an ‘asshole’ now? Truthfully speaking, I’m still striving. Being humble is not a destination. It is something we have to often remind ourselves of and continue to work on. I’m glad God said ‘asshole’. It’s stuck now in my head for good :)